


Does This Count As A Foursome? (Hint: It Doesn't)

by alphasaceraptor



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Bisexual Peter Parker, Closet Sex, F/F, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Random lesbian sex, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 04:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6104629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphasaceraptor/pseuds/alphasaceraptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and Wade stumble across each other while on seperate missions. They have to hide in a closet to avoid being discovered but they are pleasantly surprised by what happens after they are hidden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Does This Count As A Foursome? (Hint: It Doesn't)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I've written anything and this is the first thing I've posted on this account but Spideypool won't leave me be so here. Whew. Writing is a lot harder than I remember being.

Peter knew he should have turned the mission down when he was told what it would entail. He wasn't a spy and he wasn't exactly stealthy. He had only been Spider-Man for a couple of years and there were still acts of clumsiness in between the moments of graceful agility that his powers granted him. He was getting better as he grew into his lanky teenage body but he was still only capable of moving soundlessly for short bursts of time. Just enough sneaky stealth for a surprise attack on his villian of the week if he needed it. Definitely not sneaky enough for a mission like this.

Peter was suppose to break in a new facility run by shady scientists that had managed to get their hands on some highly classified S.H.I.E.L.D documents, stick a Stark tech thumb drive into a computer that would retrieve the documents and erase everything else, and then get out all while being undetected. It was really a mission that was more suited to Natasha or Clint, in Peter's opinion, but the team insisted that he needed the practice on stealth related missions. Nat had told him that he had the potential to be the sneakiest of them all and that it was a shame he had no interest in being a spy. Then Clint had joked that Peter was more interested in eating the fly on the wall than becoming one. 

He accepted the mission just to shut Barton up.

So far he had managed to sneak past all the security and was currently looking for an office that belonged to the head scientist. That was where the computer would be that he needed to hack. He was crawling on the ceiling to avoid any possible sensors that would be ground level and only lowering himself down enough to ease doors open to peer inside. Every room he checked had been empty and his anxiety was rising the longer he was there. He started moving faster and becoming reckless so it really wasn't that big of a surprise when his spidey-sense went off with very little warning after sticking his head in a new room. Peter had no time to react before the cold muzzle of a gun was pressed into his masked temple. 

What was a surprise was the voice of the person the gun belonged to.

"Well lookie here! It's everyone's favorite Friendly Neighborhood Spidey-boy! Now this is a surprise. Whatcha doing here, Spidey?" Asked the cheerful voice of Deadpool but when Peter tried to turn his head to look down at the merc the gun pressed closer. His spidey-sense was ringing in his head and he froze. It usually never went off around Deadpool even when he was swinging his katanas around a little to close for comfort during their infrequent team-ups. 

Something was really wrong with Wade and there was something wrong with Peter for feeling enough concern to risk moving his head again. 

He turned his head and looked down at Wade and tried to ignore the weapon that was now digging into his forehead. Wade was pressed to the wall with his arm raised stiffly and the white eyes of his mask were glaring at him. Peter had never seen Deadpool so tense before and his spidey-sense continued to blare in his mind. He knew how dangerous the mercenary could be but had never been on the receiving end of Deadpool's anger. 

"Careful, Spidey-babe. I have a very strained grasp on my self control right now." Wade's voice was still the normal happy one that Peter was use to. The voice conflicted with the image before him and caused his spidey-sense to stutter in intensity. His head felt like it was going to split from a sudden migraine. He needed to find a way out of this without getting his head blown off.

A quick glance in his peripheral vision and he realized that they were in the head scientist's office. Peter was so close to being done with this dumb mission but Deadpool was fucking this up. He started to get angry at the ridiculousness of the situation and at the pounding in his skull. As quickly as his reflexes could allow he slapped the gun away from his head. A bullet whizzed by his head and he heard it slam into the wall. 

Thankfully, the gun had a silencer. Unfortunately, Deadpool did not. 

"What the ever loving fuck, Spidey!? Do you fucking want me to kill you!? I told you to be careful." Wade was screeching and had a hand tightly wrapped around the wrist of the one holding the gun. Peter launched himself off the ceiling and tackled the larger man to the ground. He knocked the gun out of his grasp with one hand and covered Wade's mouth with the other.

"Deadpool. Shut. Up." Peter hissed. Pressing down harder with his hand and his body when he felt Wade's mouth continuing to move. "I don't know nor do I care why you're here, but I need to get to that computer and get the hell out of here without drawing the attention of every mad scientist in this hellhole. So I am gonna get up very slowly and you are gonna be as quiet as you possibly can be or I'm gonna gift-wrap you in a caccoon and give you to Black Widow who is still not happy about you calling her your "ex-wife" during our last Avenger team-up."

Wade had gone quiet and still when Peter started talking. Now he was whimpering and wiggling under the young hero. Peter removed his hand when Wade tried to speak again. He glanced in disgust at his slightly damp gloved fingers and rubbed them onto Wade's chest.

"I didn't catch that." Peter whispered to the panting merc. Instead of repeating himself he tried to buck the teen off but Peter latched onto his wrists and tightened his thighs around Wade's larger ones. Wade tried to roll them then so Peter squeezed his hands until he felt the delicate wrist bones grind together and braced his knees on the floor. Wade stopped trying his half-heartened attempt at escaping when Peter flattened his body even closer that before. 

"Stop squirming. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you but I'm not here to stop whatever it is you're gonna do so chill." Peter ordered with his face a little too close to the merc's than he ever wanted to be. He really wanted to get off Deadpool but his spidey-sense was still tingling. Wade seemed to still be glaring through the whites of his mask but he started nodding.

"Fine, Spidey. I'll be a good boy just don't sacrifice me to the scary assassin lady." Peter jumped up as soon as the words left Wade's mouth and tugged the man up with him. Wade rolled his shoulders and Peter guiltily noticed that his katanas must have been uncomfortably digging into his back. He was still unusually tense even as he stretched a little and Peter didn't know how to behave around him now. They normally traded insults and pop culture references when they were in each other presence but now it was just awkward. Peter had no idea of what could make Wade like this but it must be really bad. He reached out to grip one of Wade's shoulders but he ducked away before the teen could touch him again. 

"Wade." Peter whispered to the merc who was snatching his discarded gun of the floor. His spidey-sense had stopped tingling when he had stood back up so he resisted the urge to web the weapon away from him. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. He had plenty of other weapons strapped all over his body. Peter shook his head and focused on what he had wanted to say. "You're acting way weirder than normal. What's wrong?"

"Like you give a shit anyway." Wade snorted as he shoved the gun back into his holster. "None of you fucking Avengers really give a shit anymore. Y'all are all concerned about good PR and who has the best costume and 'Oh Em Gee! Look how perfect we look even after fighting a few hundred robots/aliens/zombies. Aren't we awesome!?' Nope." Wade popped the 'p' and stomped over to the desk at the end of the room. "And that leaves me to do the really important shit like putting an end to the horror show they got going on in the labs. I bet you haven't even been down there. You're probably just here for the info they stole from S.H.I.E.L.D." Wade sneered.

"How did you know that?" Peter watched Wade open drawers and messily rummage around. Then he thought about what else Wade said. "Wait. What are they doing in the labs? The team told me that they haven't started whatever they were planning on doing."

Wade slammed the drawers shut and he growled. "Either they are misinformed, or they lied to you. They're experimenting on some unlucky sons of bitches down there and I was hired to kill the supreme nerd overlord. But after seeing what they're doing..." Wade looked at Peter and his mask moved in a way that made Peter picture an evil grin forming. "I'm gonna do more than just kill him."

Peter suppressed a shudder at the way he spoke the threat. He had actually never heard Deadpool sound so deadly before. "Wade...I'm sorry. I didn't know they already had the lab set up and running experiments. That's what I came here to prevent." 

Peter slowly began walking to the merc, watching him carefully. He did a quick but thorough survey of the room while he had the chance. It was set up more like a small apartment than an office. There was a small neatly made bed in the far corner flanked by a nightstand and a dresser, some bookshelves that were only partially filled, a two person table, and a tiny closet that kept the room from being a perfect square. The desk Wade had violated was in the middle of the room and Peter walked around it while Deadpool watched him closely. 

"I'm not going to let you kill anyone." Peter raised his hand when Wade looked like he wanted to argue. "No. Shut up and listen. I'm going to do what I came to do and then we are going to call for back up. We are going to save the people being experimented on and arrest everyone else." 

Peter could see Wade's mouth moving under his mask, doing an impression of a fish, but he eventually tilted his head and nodded. Peter was surprised (and suspicious) that the merc actually accepted his terms so quickly. Deadpool flopped down into the desk chair in front of the computer and then patted his lap.

"Do watcha gotta do then, sweetums. I'll keep ya company."

Peter shoved the chair away with his foot, causing Wade to spin around.

"Weeee! That was fun! Do it again!" Wade cheered. Peter grinned at him, happy that he was heading back to his usual entertaining level of crazy. He turned back to the computer and bent over to reach the keyboard. 

"How 'bout instead of keeping me company you do something useful and keep a look out." Peter said as he wiggled his fingers under his sleeve to pry the thumb drive from his webshooter. The chair scrapped against the floor in the background.

"Awww. Why look down an empty hallway when I have a view like this." Peter glanced over his shoulder in confusion at the husky tone and then sighed when he saw the direction of Wade's stare.

"For real? Pervert." He turned back to the computer, ignoring both Wade (who was rapping 'Baby Got Back' to himself) and the flush that was creeping down his cheeks to his neck under his suit. He shoved the drive in the computer and watched the program take over the screen that had been demanding a username and password. Documents began opening and closing in rapid flashes, too fast for Peter to read anything. Satisfied that the program was doing it's job, Peter straightened back up and glanced around the room. 

"Find anything interesting in the drawers earlier?" Peter asked Deadpool who began spinning around in the chair now that his show was over.

"Nooooo. Not even candy or porn. Literally the most boring desk ever. Another reason I should kill this guy."

"No killing." Peter crossed his arms and watched the monitor continue to flash.

"Hello. Have you met me? Wade Wilson. Mercenary."

"Unfortunately, I have met you." Peter snarked back. Wade continued to spin around until he ended up behind Peter. 

"Don't be a dick, Spidey. I know I'm your favorite anti-hero." 

Peter opened his mouth to vehemently deny that but his heightened sense of hearing picked up a faint sound coming from the hall. He quickly turned the monitor off but didn't risk taking out the thumb drive before it finished. He just had to pray that whoever was coming didn't need to use the computer. He yanked Deadpool out off the chair with one hand and then shoved it back where it had been with the other. Peter dragged Wade to the back of the room and tossed him into the closet. He had just managed to shut the door when the footsteps entered the office. 

Peter had stepped backwards into the closet so that he was facing the door and Deadpool was facing the same way behind him. His heart was beating rapidly and he was breathing too loudly but he couldn't get himself to calm down. He kept thinking the thumb drive was going to be noticed or he was going to get caught in a closet with Deadpool, of all people. Either way, he was going to fail this mission and probably have all the experiments in the lab killed when they tried to cover up their discovered operation. 

Peter was on the verge of tears when he felt Wade's hand ghost over his cheek and settle on his mouth. He could feel the warmth of the large palm through the layers of leather and spandex. Now that his breaths were solely coming in and out of his nose he could hear the person in the room walking around. It was a woman judging by the click of heels and long nails tapping away on a cell phone. The cell began to ring and the woman let it sound three times before answering. 

"Hey, babe." The woman sounded young, not like an evil scientist, but Peter knew that evil scientists came in all kinds of different versions. "Yeah. I am in Dad's office." Okay. Maybe not a mad scientist but at least the spawn of a mad scientist. "Wanna come up and christen it?" The young woman giggled and then was quiet while she listened to the response. "Aww don't be scared of Dad. He's already headed home and they haven't installed cameras yet. You won't get fired." Interesting. Spawn of evil scientist was dating one of his henchmen scientist. "Please. I haven't seen you all day and I am so fucking horny." The girl moaned into the phone. It was quiet for a few seconds and then the girl squealed. "Yay! Hurry up or I'm gonna start without you!"

 

Peter now really just wanted to curl up and cry. He was trapped in a closet, in a room where a couple were about to fuck, with Deadpool. Who still had a hand clamped over his mouth. He really really hated his life. Superpowers were not worth this. 

Peter focused his attention back on the woman. He could hear the sounds of heels being kicked off and clothing being removed followed by a bed being bounced on. He was extremely grateful that that particular piece of furniture was in the opposite corner, but it was still not far enough away. He could hear her wiggling around on the mattress, trying to get comfortable. He began to mentally curse his hormonal teenage brain for imagining what she might look like but the damage was already done. His groin was beginning to tighten and his ears burned with shame. 

Wade's hand was still on his mouth.

He had just managed to calm himself and will his half-hard dick away when he heard the sound of someone running down the hall.

Someone who also happened to wear heels.

*Are you fucking serious right now?!* Peter internally screamed at the universe. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, even though it was pitch black in the closet, in a futile attempt at trying to deny the reality of the situation.

The footsteps came to a sudden end at the doorway and the new woman panted. "Oh my god, baby. You are literally gonna be the death of me." Her voice was huskier than the first woman and Peter almost whimpered as his mind began to picture a face and body to go along with the voice. His groin began pulsing even hotter than before at the repeated sound of clothes being removed. 

"Oh yeah. Take it off!" Giggled the first woman and the second woman huffed fondly. 

"You watch too much porn." The bed squeaked as the second woman crawled in to join the first. 

"No, I don't! Ohhh! You should have left your labcoat on. Just the labcoat. Mmmm..." There was the faint sound of kissing and then more giggling. 

"Next time. Definitely." Husked the second woman and then they were kissing again. 

Peter felt like he was on fire and knew that Wade had to know this was effecting him. At some point he had began quietly panting into Wade's hand. He wondered what he was going to die from first. Humiliation or sexual frustration? Probably the latter because he knew he couldn't actually die from blue balls even though it currently felt like it. He squirmed at the uncomfortable feeling of his erection twitching in the protective cup sewed into his suit.

The girls were exchanging quiet moans and groans when Wade finally took his hand of Peter's mouth. The teen huffed a sigh of relief that morphed into a squeak when he felt that same hand land on the nape of his neck. Peter's eyes opened impossibly wide in the darkness when he felt Wade shuffle closer until he could feel his warm breath on the back of his head.

The merc's scent began to envelope Peter and he couldn't help the small groan that escaped him as he breath in deep. Usually the older man smelled funny but to Peter's aroused senses his gunpowder, oil, leather, blood, and spice scent was intoxicating. The combination of Wade's masculine presence at his back and the sounds of two woman pleasuring each other beyond a thin barrier had Peter harder than he had ever been.

Wade's gloved hand slid up his neck until it was cupping his skull gently. His other hand settled on Peter's lower back, burning like a brand through the thin spandex. Wade slowly began dragging it up his spine and his thumb skipped over the subtle knotches of his vertebrae like he was counting. He didn't stop until his fingers were digging into where his other hand had been before. Peter didn't know what Wade was trying to accomplish until he felt his suit being lowered a couple of inches so the base of his neck was exposed. 

"Please. Please. Please." The first woman was begging and Peter wanted to chant along with her except he didn't really know what he wanted. "God. I love your fingers." She gasped.

Peter started shaking at the first press of mask covered lips to his spine.

Wade swallowed a growl and released the boy's neck to shove his mask up to his nose. He pulled the spandex back down until he could rub his bare mouth into the soft skin and peach fuzz. Peter shivered at the sensation that the chapped lips burned into his skin. The girls were beginning to get louder and Wade waited until one of them released a drawn out moan before he swiped his tongue across the track his lips had made. Peter shoved a couple of his knuckles into his mouth to keep from mimicking the girls. His cock was twitching and leaking in his cup. He couldn't believe he was this turned on by two girls he couldn't even see and Deadpool. 

Peter mentally pleaded for the merc to just do something and Wade must be a secret telepath, Peter thought hysterically, as the merc removed the hand that had been cradling his head. Wade placed it on Peter's hip and tugged until he was snug against the warm and impossibly hard body of the larger man. 

"Ahhh! Ahhhhh!" The first woman was nearly screaming and Wade was curling around him until his lips were touching his covered ear. He bit down on the shell through the spandex and Peter's hips buck forward into nothing and then pressed back into Wade's crotch. The hand on his hip tightened and Wade began rubbing his erection into Peter's ass. Wade continued to nibble down his ear until he could breath directly into it. 

"Let's race them, baby boy." 

That was the only warning Peter got before a hand dove down his pants and wrapped around his cock. 

Peter was amazed and immensely proud that he managed to swallow his shout at the dry drag of leather over his dick. He used both of his hands to muffle his moans as Wade's fingers collected his precome and slicked his way back down. Wade dug his fingers of the other hand into the boy's hip and bit at his spandex covered nape, leaving bruises in both places. He started rutting in time to the pace he had set on the hero's cock. 

Peter could feel his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach and his legs would have buckled under him if Wade hadn't had such a brutal grip on his body. His hips moved to match the strokes to his cock and almost giggled when he realized that they were set to the rhythmic movement of the bed and noises of the girls. 

One, two, three more strokes and flick of a thumb over the swollen head and Peter was seeing stars in the blackness of the closet. His hands flew off his mouth and reached behind him to grip what he could of the merc. He couldn't hold back the whine that built up to a hoarse scream in the back of his throat but the first woman was crying out as she came a second behind him, saving them from being discovered. 

"Liked that, baby girl?" The second woman panted with amusement laced into her voice. 

"Loved it. Love you." The first woman choked out past heaving breaths. "Your turn. Wanna see you come" 

"You want me to come for you? Say it, baby." The husky voice begged and Wade was pulling his hand away from Peter's sensitive cock. Peter ignored the slimy feeling of come pooling in his cup as he focused on the girls. 

"Please. Please come for me." 

Wade pulled Peter's spandex pants down until his ass was bared, grabbed a cheek in each hand, and spread them apart. Peter hissed at the feeling of air brushing against his entrance.

"Since you asked so nicely..." The second woman groaned and Peter could hear the wet sucking sound her fingers were making. Peter zoned out imagining what they must look like burying themselves in her body over and over as the other girl watched. He didn't notice that there was only one hand still on his ass until he heard the unmistakable sound of leather pants being opened. He tensed at the thought of Wade finishing inside of him without prepping him first but relaxed when Wade gently stroked his hip. 

Wade spread him open again and pressed closer until his cock was nestled between his cheeks. He rutted in time with the second woman, matching her stroke for stroke until he was burying his head into the junction of Peter's neck and shoulder. Peter was half-hard again from the woman's obsene noises and at the feeling of Wade's oddly textured cock rubbing over his asshole, but the leather glove had left his dick too sensitive for a round two so soon. Instead he focused on committing all of Wade's muffled and broken noises to memory. 

Wade and the woman's moaning were getting higher in pitch and Peter began to panic that they would get caught, but Wade bit down into his neck again. His saliva soaked through the thin fabric and Peter shuddered at the weird sensation. Wade's thrusts began to stutter and his hands squeezed tighter in warning. 

"You look so fucking hot like this. I could watch you do that all day." The first woman said with an awed voice and it startled a shaky laugh out of the other. 

"A-almost...there...ahhh." 

Peter tilted his head back and dared to whisper. "Come on. Are you just gonna let her win, Wade?"

"Fuck no." Wade hissed into Peter's shoulder. He gave a few more brutal thrusts that made Peter's ass clench and then he was gasping. He plastered his body as close as he could without actually crawling into the teen and came in between them, ruining both of their suits. The second woman was quick to follow him and the four of them panted quietly in the after glow. 

The second woman broke the silence first, already leaving the bed to begin retrieving her discarded clothes from around the room. "That was awesome. I gotta get back to work. I love you." There was the sound of a quick but playful kiss. 

"Yeah yeah. Get back to your boring ass science." Peter could practically hear the eye-roll. "I gotta head home anyway. Come play with me tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah, baby girl. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too." Peter listened to the second woman exit and then to the sound of the first woman flopping back onto the bed.

"Fuck." The woman huffed. She lay in the bed for a few minutes that were getting more and more uncomfortable for Peter before finally getting up to collect her clothes. Peter sighed in relief when he heard her tapping her way out of the office. 

Wade reached behind him and yanked at the first piece of cloth he grabbed. He rubbed the fabric over Peter's back and ass first until the worst of the mess was gone and then repeated on himself. Peter pulled his pants back over his ass and winced at the feeling of come in his cup and flecks of it drying in his spandex. He rubbed at his sore and damp neck before taking a deep breath.

Peter shoved the closet door open and strode to the computer without a glance at Wade. He turned the monitor back on and saw that the program had finished successfully. He yanked the drive out and clipped it back to his webshooter. He activated the communicator that was installed into his other webshooter. 

"Hey guys?" Peter talked into his wrist and risked a quick glance at Wade while he waited for a response. The merc had already managed to sneak almost out of the door so Peter flicked his other wrist at him. He tugged the webbed man back towards him as someone responded.

"Spider-Man." The voice of Steve Rogers answered. Peter felt himself blush because of course it would be Captain America he would have to report to. "Are you okay? You've been there for longer than we estimated it would take."

"Um. Just had to hide for awhile." Peter slid his eyes over Wade who was curling into himself. "I did what I was suppose to do but I think we were too late."

"What do you mean?" Cap asked sharply and Peter surpressed a flinch.

"They already have the labs set up and running. I haven't been down there but I know they already have some victims that have been experimented on." Peter felt his stomach clench with a weird sense of guilt at what he had been doing in a closet while people were being tortured floors below him. 

"Shit." Steve sighed. "We'll be there in a few minutes to take care of it. Anything we should know first?"

"One, security is pretty lax on the upper levels but I don't know how secure it is down in the labs. Two, the head scientist isn't here. And three, I won't be here either when you get here."

"Spider-Ma-" Steve began but Peter cut him off. 

"Sorry, Cap. I'm fixing to web home and pass out. This mission has been way more exhausting than I thought it would be." He blushed again as he locked eyes with Deadpool. Wade was still curled awkwardly around himself but was at least not trying to escape. "Cap...I need you to make the people who are being experimented on your main priority. Please get them out safely and do what you can for them." 

Wade straightened up after hearing that and stepped closer to Peter. 

"Of course, Spider-Man." Steve said softly. "Report for a briefing after you get some sleep. See you in the morning."

"See ya, Steve." Peter clicked the com off and focused on Wade. He stepped closer until they were almost chest to chest. "I need a shower."

Wade tilted his head at that and Peter frowned. He doesn't think he could ever get use to a speechless Deadpool. He poked Wade's chest firmly, causing him to rock back onto his heels. 

"You're going to join me." 

Wade stumbled and pinwheeled his arms. He started nodding vigorously and Peter laughed at how cute Deadpool could be. Wade grabbed Peter's hand and started to drag him to the door. 

"Yes. Yes. Wet Spidey. Must see. Absofuckinglutely." Wade began chattering wildly and Petter tugged his hand to get his attention.

"And afterwards we can go get tacos." Wade groaned and pulled Peter's hand to his mouth to kiss it noisily. Peter blushed and grinned up at him. He watched Wade waggle his masked eyebrows. 

"Baby boy. You know the way right into my heart."

**Author's Note:**

> I am acealienraccoon on Tumblr. Come say hi and cry about Spideypool with me. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos give me life. If anyone has any ideas for me to try next let me know (fair warning, though, I don't actually know if I will get back into fic writing because I've had issues with it before but I really want to) either in a comment or a message on Tumblr. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edit: So I have a vague idea of how to turn this from a one-shot to a multi-chapter fic that will probably be full of angst and hurt/comfort and more smut but I need some serious motivation. Do y'all guys want more of this? Or should I leave well enough alone?


End file.
